sitting here in multimedia class...i am so tired today. i went to practice this morning with huuuge bags under my eyes, acting kind of tipsy because the only allergy medicine i have is benedryl. theres something crisp in the mornings now...and its nice being outside every morning before sunrise. its beautiful.

hah, most of the time. its not so beautiful when cars want into the parking lot and i have to move, and silently debate whether i should "acidentally" hit it with my flag...i think too much sometimes.

school sucks, i'm exhausted, and i have spanish next period.

Woke up yesterday with you on my mind so afraid of running out of time so come around again and i'll show you what i mean And you can tell me exactly what you need and we can talk all night (we can talk all night) and i will sing you lullabies (i will sing you lullabies) not in every arrow is pointed straight at your heart sorry for the time i said too much i was so afraid that you would fall out of touch and we can talk all night (we could talk all night) and i will sing you lullabies (i will sing you lullabies) not every arrow is pointed straight at your heart so come around again (so come around again) and we can talk all night so come around again, so come around again and we can talk all night (and we can talk all night) i will sing you

yesterday was awful. i went to the game last night and now i really wish i hadn't. cause when i was leaving...i started bawling. i wanted to be down there performing with the rest of them, not sitting in the stands with these fucking supid eighth graders rolling their eyes at me, and trying not to cry...

i feel like such a failure.

i wanted to perform so bad. i would have given anything, anything to be able to perform. anything. i wanted to cry so bad when travis came up to me and said "i'm really glad you came, thank you for coming." i wanted to cry because i was so proud of him and jeremy. and i couldn't be there for their first performance. this makes my heart so sad...

this weekend should be fun. how many times will i be able to go to six flags with ali? baha.

the "band sex" was terrific today, i just have to say. :-D

i really hope brandon doesnt hurt me. i dont think he will, anytime soon. i like him so much, too much i think. yep. every time i feel this way it doesnt end pretty, should i just distance myself now so i dont love him? but i want to...uugh.